Dog for cork

In a popular wine blog, I came across this entry title: "Mothers against Cork." Why would mothers be against the little chewy things my buddy Jack corgi and I enjoy? The blog subtitle tells us "Opening Wine Should not be a Chore." Oh howl!

I showed "Mothers against Cork" to dog-ma. She scowled and said, "This was written by a guy at Wine Enthusiast. Not someone I usually think of as lame." What got dog-ma's back up is how the writer referred to his mother, making her sound like she's got one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel.

He said, "[Mom] started trying to use it [the two-handled corkscrew], but she couldn’t manage. Her grip is not as firm as it used to be, and she couldn’t get the screw started with one hand while trying to steady the bottle with the other. When you think about it, this is a very tough job for an elderly person."

We don't want to think about it. And I'll bite you if you ever call me "elderly." I'm a dog for cork. I say just dig the darn corkscrew in, turn, pull, and bite.

That blog entry must've been a veiled plea to end the use of cork as a bottle closure — a topic that hits a little nerve with dog-ma. She says, "I'm not sure what all the anti-cork crowing is about, especially given that other closures are unproven, and that today's cork suppliers do massive QA and QC to avoid cork taint. . . .

"You can pull a cork out easily if you're shown how and have the right opening device — a sommelier's corkscrew — not one of those silly two-handled things. A wine bottle's only hard to open when the cork is dried out or welded into place."

Woof? I have more to learn about human behavior. I don't see why anyone would waste time welding a wine bottle closed.